Blades of grass pressed into her palms as she leaned back
His grin pulled her down to the ground, stronger than gravity
They collapsed under a canopy of green light.
Spring laced the air.
And they eagerly filtered jade evergreen dust into their lungs—
It was laced with the promise of more to come.
The stains will not come out.
“But you said!” she whispered
The back of his hand cracked across her face to make her let go of his shirt
The sound sharper than the sting
She saw spiraling stars as her hand dropped in disbelief, ears red with shame
Mascara mixed with salt on her blouse
She looked down as he walked away
The scrape of his Vans against hallway floors harsh on her blushing ears
The sound echoed after her the rest of the day
When asked, she said “It’s stupid. I’m okay.”
The stains will not come out.
Silently she relied on a soft smile to slip under the radar at home
Her sister’s voice booming through summaries of her days
Excitement infused in every gesture
Mother and father leaning in, devouring every word
Until one Wednesday her mother reached for her sister’s hand
“Your father and I are getting a divorce”
Her soft smile slipped as her sister went silent
She attempted to nod her understanding to the beat of her heart
Keeping time by curling her fingers into palms once green with sweet grass
Nails leaving marks unnoticed by numb hands
The stains will not come out.
Second guesses trampled through her mind with megaphones
She stood looking out at the city below her window
Rubbing her soul raw against washboards
She didn’t know what to do with her hands.
She couldn’t afford to whitewash her state of delicacy anymore
Pay therapists to wring out and dry-clean her problems
Toss back medication that made days pass by in a vague haze
She just wanted to quit.
The stains will not come out and it's been six years
Whole paragraphs of her life story blotted out, colored by hearsay
Like they later tried to Bleach-blot out the bathroom tiles
But she lingers. And we miss her.
She stained our hearts with her laughter.
She loved and laughed and ran away
And I’m still trying to understand, even to this day.